The Trouble
Clef
Poems, essays, reflections, and conversations. Fifteen years of writing, gathered in one place.Originally published on the now-defunct Best American Poetry blog. Original dates and bylines are preserved.
Tracing Dreams
Last night, we said goodbye to my father. It felt unnatural to see him in the coffin, he who was always so full of vitality, humor, and…
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Silent Notes
Silent Notes. Photo by Lera Auerbach When pianos are not played, they become very sad, they collect silent notes. Unplayed music floats –…
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Violoncello
Dovid Hofshteyn (1889-1952) left Russia during the years of war and revolution and was a pioneer of modernist literature in Yiddish after the…
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Lera Auerbach’s Symphony #6 at Carnegie Hall (Wednesday, April 19, 2023)
Lera Auerbach's Symphony #6 at Carnegie Hall (Wednesday, April 19, 2023) "Vessels of Light" for violoncello, chorus, and orchestra American…
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Lullaby
Itzik Manger (1901-1969) was widely considered a poet with a unique style among his peers. In the 1930s, he moved to Warsaw and later to Paris,…
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Breakage and Repair
In early 2020, Yad Vashem – The World Holocaust Remembrance Center commissioned me to write a large symphonic work for cello, choir and…
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Who Will Stop the Mad Man?
My mother was born in 1940 to a Jewish family in Dnepropetrovsk, Ukraine. As Hitler's army marched East in 1941, my grandparents abandoned all…
Read entry ↗Who Will Stop the Madman – Gogol’s Prophecy
My mother was born in 1940 to a Jewish family in Dnepropetrovsk, Ukraine. As Hitler's army marched East in 1941, my grandparents abandoned all…
Read entry ↗Interview with Tzimon Barto: Languages, Poetry and Education
I am always fascinated by people who are masters of more than one profession. I interviewed Tzimon Barto for the Best American Poetry blog. His…
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Growing a Book
© Lera Auerbach – Monoprint A tree is never just a tree. Physical distance one can measure. But what about the distance from oneself? (Too far –…
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Borderless Creativity
Insomnia © Lera Auerbach 2013 It is undeniable that creativity is one of the most important aspects of any profession. For an artist being…
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The Art of Falling
Papa takes me to figure-skating school. The school has classes every day: running, choreography, floor gymnastics, figure skating. With skates…
Read entry ↗MARIA – Dialogues on Stabat Mater
Some works have parallel lives. In 2006 Musikfest Bremen and Lucerne Festival commissioned me to write a piece for Gidon Kremer and the…
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No Boundaries
Sometimes I wish to press the knife against my skin and let out blood because the world is growing within me, overflowing; it overwhelms me –…
Read entry ↗The Audience
If I were dead, I wouldn’t want to stay around. I would fly to some other realm where I would no longer be myself but everything else at the…
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Making an Inventory
Bruegel's Sky – Fragment [Photo by Lera Auerbach] To live, one must make an inventory: Item 1: The sky. It is everywhere. Item 2: People. There…
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The Cat of Montserrat
My memory: meeting a Montserrat cat – she is sitting beneath Pablo Casals’ sculpture – the true owner of his bronze cello with whiskers sniffing…
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The Layers of “To Be”
Labyrinth – Ink on Handmade Paper by Lera Auerbach The verb “to be” is very short, yet it contains layers of existence. It is possible to hide…
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The Shadows of Memories
Untitled [Oil on Canvas] by Lera Auerbach Forgetting Ignorance The world is created anew. I often fail to see it and think as if it was still…
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Songs in Minor Keys
Leitmotifs [Photo by Lera Auerbach] Every day I give birth to my death. Each death is different. They flutter around like moths. I find them in…
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Creation According to the Cat
Oil on Metal Roof Tile [by Lera Auerbach] When God created animals, He first asked each animal for their permission. But He never received the…
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The Egg-matryoshka of Death
Untitled – Japanese Ink on Handmade Paper [by Lera Auerbach] Forever Present Is there one more death within death? And then one more death…
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The Loyalty of Toes
Philippe Faraut's Sculpting Feet [Video Still Frame] 1. The Loyalty of Toes You need to fall, and more than once, before you learn to fly. Do…
Read entry ↗Navigating Through Dreams
Original illustration credit Japanese Ink on Paper © Lera Auerbach The Air We Breathe This year we all learned how to wash hands. Perhaps, we…
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Block-flute
Marianna and I are at a summer retreat. I am five years old. I have a wooden recorder with me, a block-flute. I blow out melodies. My parents…
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Double Bottom
Ink on Paper by Lera Auerbach When I was twelve, my parents took me camping near Lake Inyshko. Supposedly, in this lake, Yemelyan Pugachev…
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The Solidity of Oceans
Acrylic on Canvas by Lera Auerbach THE SOLIDITY OF OCEANS The ocean is still there where I left it. It will remain. It is solid (even though…
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What Remains?
Ink on Music Paper © Lera Auerbach What do I remember? Sounds, sound all around. I don’t know words yet, but I can feel melodies of phrases.…
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Trying To Hold On
Ink on Paper by Lera Auerbach Alone When you try to hold on – what exactly are you holding onto? In the labyrinth, Ariadne left a thread for…
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Invisibility Leaves Traces
Ink on Paper by Lera Auerbach My grandmother Alichka, whose birthday I always remember as it coincides with International Women's Day in March,…
Read entry ↗A Fountain Pen
Original illustration credit Japanese Ink on Paper by Lera Auerbach I think all poets should receive a fountain pen for each birthday. A…
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The End
The Tree – Acrylic on Canvas by Lera Auerbach THE END (1) It is hard to know how to start a book. Its ending is an even greater mystery. How do…
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Out of Reach
Ink on Music Paper © Lera Auerbach When something is out of reach – sometimes it is just out of reach by a tiny bit, not close enough to grasp,…
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A Lie
Finek My dog whimpered quietly in his sleep. His legs were twitching – he had a nightmare. I woke him up gently with a lie: “It’s all right, I…
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Sweet Tooth
Ink on Paper by Lera Auerbach I walked around the house in search of chocolate. (There must be some chocolate somewhere, right?) No, I don’t…
Read entry ↗Geography
Original illustration credit Watercolor on Paper by Lera Auerbach I am looking at the world globe with my father. He points and says: “This is…
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Starting a Zuihitsu on (Un)deliveries
Photo Credit: Lera Auerbach (1) At times like this, I feel sorry for postal workers. It must be very stressful to be one. To always have to sort…
Read entry ↗Viennese Traffic Lights
In Vienna, they have same-sex pedestrian traffic lights. Typically, traffic lights are sexist: they display a matchstick figure of a man that…
Read entry ↗From My Diary No. 3 – February 2020
Original illustration credit Inner Voices – Oil on Canvas by Lera Auerbach (1.) I think of the mountain from Rafael's childhood. Once upon a…
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From My Diary – February 2020 No. 2
Home © Lera Auerbach, Oil on Canvas (1) The doctors warned me that I might get depressed after the surgery. Before the surgery, my tumor was…
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From My Diary – February 2020
Suite del Ocells © Lera Auerbach (1) At first, the days were numbered. They were numbered before the surgery and then after. Going under is a…
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The Broken Mirror of Facebook
© Lera Auerbach Something peculiar occurred on the night of October 13th, 2020: my personal Facebook page disappeared. It was abruptly deleted…
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Dislocated in Time
Photo by Lera Auerbach (1) The problem with the future is that it is unforeseeable – the great unknown is full of opportunities for dreadful…
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Making of an Opening
"Opening" by Lera Auerbach The Absence of Trees You know you're getting closer to the North when trees disappear. The world without trees. At…
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Silent Music
Leitmotifs Photo by Lera Auerbach At the Marlboro Music Festival, returning home at night – my door was covered by moths. I opened the door…
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A protective blanket of words
Arctic Dreams – Photo Credit: Lera Auerbach (1) I learned that a friend of mine was going through a tough time. His mother died, and he had…
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Traces
Untitled – Ink on Handmade Paper by Lera Auerbach 1. When I think of my Great Aunt Rosa, I hear her laughter – deep chuckles rising from the…
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Rugged Silence
Personal Mythology – Acrylic on Wood Board – by Lera Auerbach I love old rugs. Rugs with animals, flowers, and small people. Prayer rugs and…
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Permission to Fail
Hidden Room • Ink on Paper by Lera Auerbach When you struggle to survive, there is simplicity in perspective: You take one breath. Then another.…
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Unscalable
Ivan Shishkin's Morning in a Pine Forest & Russian Chocolates On the grand scale of things, it's not always clear what keeps the balance. But…
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No Longer My Own
No Longer My Own – Ink on Paper by Lera Auerbach Some books matter only for the future-books hiding in them. Books with strong plots offer safe…
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Smelling Beyond Words
На птичьих правах – Ink on Paper by Lera Auerbach There is a phrase in Russian, ‘na ptich'ikh pravakh’ , having birds' rights. To live ‘na…
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Resonating at Random
Ink on Paper by Lera Auerbach A tree is never just a tree. Social distancing one could measure. But how distant should one be from oneself? Too…
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Beethoven’s Choice
The truth is that I do not know how I feel about Beethoven. There seem to be two separate things – one is Beethoven, the other one is our…
Read entry ↗Sergey Yursky – The Seasons
During the time of the pandemic, I am thinking of people that have inspired me and my work. On March 16 Sergey Yursky would have celebrated his…
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Song of Gratitude
Final notes of Beethoven's Heiliger Dankgesang On Beethoven, my new string quartet, and the eternal Song of Thanks Beethoven wrote his Heiliger…
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Labyrinth for Solo Piano
Labyrinth for Solo Piano Inspired by The Book of Imaginary Beings and other writings by J. L. Borges Tomorrow evening, March 27, 2018, I will…
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Mussorgsky’s Pictures at an Exhibition
As I prepare a recital program for my concert at San Francisco Performances next month, I return to a work that has accompanied me for most of…
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Guacamole Treatment
GUACAMOLE TREATMENT [From The Infant Minstrel and his Peculiar Menagerie] There was once a man With such a long nose That his wife had mistaken…
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Tuesday, May 17, 2016 Lera Auerbach and David Lehman reading at KGB Bar 7:00 PM. Free
KGB Bar: 85 E 4th St, New York, New York 10003 Renowned Russian-American composer, writer, visual artist and concert pianist Lera Auerbach will…
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Instead of Program Notes
On November 24, 2015, I will premiere my new concerto for piano and orchestra with the Stuttgart Philharmonic and Dan Ettinger conducting. Each…
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The Trouble Clef’s Glossary of Musical Terms
CUT © Lera Auerbach 2015 Music: dreaming aloud. Music notation: captured magic. Music commissioner: investor in an intangible slice of…
Read entry ↗September 11
September 11th Can you breathe this air, this thickening air? The ashes of people are in our nostrils. Can you hear this silence? this screaming…
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Lera Auerbach – excessive ease of aesthetic discovery
An artist who does not like to comment on her own prolific work, Lera Auerbach answers query with further creative output. “When I was told, you…
Read entry ↗Composers
There are only two types of composers: composing composers and decomposing composers. ← Return to The Trouble Clef
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Right and Left
I started playing piano before I learned which was my right hand and which the left. To remember my hands correctly, I would associate the right…
Read entry ↗A few thoughts for today
Don’t take me so seriously – I never joke. . . . . . . I wish I could remain on this side of the calendar. . . . . . . You don’t know what you…
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So, you finished your book?
So, you finished your book? Congratulations! Now the fun begins. I can help you to turn it into a masterpiece. First you cut 20% of the text. It…
Read entry ↗In memory of Mark Strand
While a student at Juilliard I read the poem "The Dead" by Mark Strand, which instantly inspired me to write my very first song setting of…
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My Desires are Undesirable
I am not sure how this happened – but I am writing a book of aphorisms. To make matters worse – this book will be published soon! And if that…
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Unleashed Aphorisms – Teaser (1)
A few aphorisms from my upcoming book: 1. When words are few, each finds its place. It’s easy to get lost in a crowd. 2. Hearing voices is not…
Read entry ↗Borderless Creativity
Insomnia © Lera Auerbach 2013 It is undeniable that creativity is one of the most important aspects of any profession. For an artist being…
Read entry ↗Revisionist Dream
In memory of Maxine Kumin, here is a short song I wrote on her poem "The Revisionist Dream". This is a performance by Angela Denoke and Roger…
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Sylvia’s Diary
In my studio, I used to have portraits of my favorite poets hanging on the wall next to my desk. One day, I realized that most of them either…
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Another September
Another Fall is falling on me. How many are still ahead? God knows… Does it matter? Would I feel any different about this one if I knew it…
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The Blind – A cappella opera for 12 voices
Some works have a destiny of their own, independent of the intentions of their authors. They arrive, unannounced, slam the door in your face,…
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In today’s New York Times: “Listening to a Disconnected Society ‘The Blind,’ Lera Auerbach’s Opera, Confronts Isolation”
Congratulations to Lera Auerbach, whose opera will premiere on Tuesday and continue through July 14 at Lincoln Center's Kaplan Penthouse in NYC.…
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The Map of His Dreams
My father never asks for directions. Even when he’s lost – he looks quite confident. He spends long hours studying his collection of maps. If…
Read entry ↗A Long Poem
I’ve grown too impatient to read long poems. After a while my eyes start shifting like dancers who’ve missed their entrance cues. I find – I am…
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Introducing the Orchestra and its Creatures
• Orchestra: democratic dictatorship. • Piccolo flute: ears’ toothpick. • Piccolo’s passages: scraping of the nervous system. • Flute: skeleton…
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Musings
I am in the middle of writing a book – a collection of random thoughts, musings, daily fragments. Here are some of them: On self: Wondering…
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Isle of the Dead
If Venice is married to Death – the small island of San Michele is the offspring of this union. It takes an entire day to visit San Michele, the…
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Beautiful Ruins – Part 1
Arriving home after several months of travel, and while taking some time to recollect experiences by organizing photographs, I came upon images…
Read entry ↗Lera Auerbach’s new requiem (an “ode to peace” in Dresden)
Excerpt from ‚Die Welt’ – 12.02.2012 — by Joachim Lange The Russian-American composer Lera Auerbach, endowed with many talents and currently…
Read entry ↗“On Letting Go”
Yes, it must be a good thing. Yes, I think so. I recommend it. First, let go of your dream – The one that keeps you awake at night, That…
Read entry ↗“The Strings”
The strings are the veins of music. In the night, inside the piano, they grow silence until it ripens and calls to the composer, who gathers…
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Gogol
I have to apologize to the readers of BAP for my disappearance. One of the reasons is that I am in the process of completing an orchestral score…
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New Year’s Greeting
BEST WISHES TO ALL AT BAP FOR A HAPPY AND HEALTHY 2011 – from Lera Ring the bells that still can ring Forget your perfect offering There is a…
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Variation on the theme of Time
VARIATIONS ON THE THEME OF TIME I. Time with time shrinks in size, worsens in quality. I search memories, trying to remember one perfect moment…
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October
I opened the windows on a dark orchard. Trees were guarding the movement of branches. And with the bitterness of October rennet apples I opened…
Read entry ↗Canary
CANARY So yellow as if defending this color was its only quest; as if painted by an artist, obsessed, unaccustomed to shade; as if stitched by…
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What Can Kill You
WHAT CAN KILL YOU No, indifference is not the worst of it, and it doesn’t equate with loneliness. After all you choose your feelings, even…
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The Trouble Clef – On the Usefulness of Poetry
Here is a short poem for all of you who ever doubted that poetry is indeed a very useful pursuit: A poem a day, Keeps psychiatrists at bay. – by…
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The Trouble Clef – Chirlim-chirlyum
Archive excerpt: the supplied archive preserves only part of this post. The mechanism of memory is complex. The Time Machine–a dream of…
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The Trouble Clef – Findings | 24 April 2010
Here are some of this week's findings, confirming the idea that life may indeed be worth living: This is a wonderful TED talk on creativity,…
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The Trouble Clef – Rachmaninov
When one thinks of Rachmaninov, usually what comes to mind is his face, serious and stern, clean-shaven, with a short modern haircut. His…
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The Trouble Clef – Swimming with Mermaids
From left to right: Marie-Pierre Greve (Royal Danish Ballet), Silvia Azzoni (Hamburg Ballet), Yuan Yuan Tan (San Francisco Ballet) I am…
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Lera Auerbach and the San Francisco Ballet
If you're in the San Francisco area, head on over to the War Memorial Opera House at 301 Van Ness Avenue in the Civic Center to catch the US…
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The Trouble Clef – Tchaikovsky’s Symphony No. 4
The National Symphony Orchestra in Washington, D.C. asked me to write program notes for one of the Kennedy Center's "Focus on Russia" programs…
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The Trouble Clef – Requiem for Icarus
I have been fascinated by the myth of Icarus. As a child, I lived in ancient Greece. The book of myths was my favorite and the world of jealous…
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The Trouble Clef – Morning Music
Some days I find it very trying to collect myself, to find all the different parts and put them together in an orderly, functional way. I spend…
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The Trouble Clef: You are not even here
One of my findings this week, while unearthing treasures buried deep in the oceans of my ignorance, was a short poem of John Ashbery. This Room…
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The Trouble Clef – Poet’s Suicide
So many poets have killed themselves – they could form a city or a small country of their own. Somewhere in the gray islands of Nowhere, after…
Read entry ↗The Trouble Clef – Findings | 6 January 2010
This New Year, I am starting a notebook in which I will write my daily findings. These could be a phrase from a conversation or a line from a…
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The Trouble Clef – Hans Christian Andersen and His Alter Ego
Five years ago, I received a commission from the Royal Danish Ballet to write a full-length ballet with the legendary choreographer John…
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The Trouble Clef – Konx om Pax
Last night I dreamt of the film Crooked Mirror . “This film is by Kurosawa,” my nanny said, “you should watch it.” My nanny, in real life, most…
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The Trouble Clef – Melody of Losses
Today was the first time I saw my New York apartment after the fire. Black walls, windows covered by wood, no electricity… not a typical sight…
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The Trouble Clef – Life Mirroring Poetry
Archive excerpt: the supplied archive preserves only part of this post. Some works one reads throughout life. “Yevgeniy Onegin” is one of them.…
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The Trouble Clef – Moment in Time
I am drawing happy little people of many colors. They are dancing next to a brown house with a small window. Above the house the sun and the…
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The Trouble Clef – Notes of a Wandering Musician
It is an honor for me to be writing for the Best American Poetry blog. When Stacey asked me last week if I would write this blog in spite of…
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Lera Auerbach, Guest Blogger Nov 29 – Dec 5
This week we welcome Lera Auerbach as our guest blogger. Lera is among the most widely performed composers of her generation. She has composed…
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